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The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue the seemingly endless
taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or
"Hickbonics," as language to be taught in all Southern schools.
A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. Hickbonics is currently a
requirement for graduation at both Texas A&M and UT, and are used
extensively in the petroleum business. The following are excerpts from the
HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"
BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in
MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from
him in munts."
THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have some chittlins."
BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup
FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck,
that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck."
TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT - (noun, verb) - a battle or combat to engage in battle or
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn
DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas; Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but
a minnit'n 'is laf."
SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
Usage I seed the sherf com'n fer me.
VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."
JEET? - Contraction questioning your last gastrointestinal event
Usage: "It's past dinner, jeet?"
Yontu? - Contraction questioning if you favor the previous question.
Usage: "Jeet?" , "Nah.", "Yontu?"
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