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Maintenance Complaints/Problems!!!


Never let it be said that Ground Crews and Maintenance Staff lack a sense of
humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as
squawks, recently submitted by Pilots to maintenance engineers :



After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the
details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks.



Key:



P - The problem logged by the pilot.

S - The solution and action taken by the Maintenance Crew.



Actual Log Entries:



P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.



P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.



P - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

S - No. 2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal
seepage.



P - Something loose in cockpit.

S - Something tightened in cockpit.



P - Dead bugs on windshield.

S - Live bugs on backorder.



P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.

S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S - Evidence removed.



P - DME volume unbelievably loud.

S - Volume set to more believable level.



P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S - That's what they are there for!



P - IFF inoperative.

S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P - Suspected crack in windscreen.

S - Suspect you're right.



P - Number 3 engine missing.

S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P - Aircraft handles funny.

S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."



P - Target radar hums.

S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.



P - Mouse in cockpit.

S - Cat installed.

OK - Go board your next flight!


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