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Maintenance Complaints/Problems!!!

Never let it be said that Ground Crews and Maintenance Staff lack a sense of
humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as
squawks, recently submitted by Pilots to maintenance engineers :

After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the
details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks.


P - The problem logged by the pilot.

S - The solution and action taken by the Maintenance Crew.

Actual Log Entries:

P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

S - No. 2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal

P - Something loose in cockpit.

S - Something tightened in cockpit.

P - Dead bugs on windshield.

S - Live bugs on backorder.

P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.

S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S - Evidence removed.

P - DME volume unbelievably loud.

S - Volume set to more believable level.

P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S - That's what they are there for!

P - IFF inoperative.

S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P - Suspected crack in windscreen.

S - Suspect you're right.

P - Number 3 engine missing.

S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P - Aircraft handles funny.

S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."

P - Target radar hums.

S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P - Mouse in cockpit.

S - Cat installed.

OK - Go board your next flight!

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