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The Senility Prayer


God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.



Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:



ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.



TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.



THREE - I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.



FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.



FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.



FIVE - All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.



SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?



SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.



EIGHT - Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.



NINE - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.



TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.



ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.



TWELVE - It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.



THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in
the bathroom.



FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my
knees.



FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to
play chess?



SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.



SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.



EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go
somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm hereafter.




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