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The Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE - I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

FIVE - All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT - Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

NINE - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE - It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in
the bathroom.

FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my

FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to
play chess?

SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go
somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

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