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Canadian Confidence Cannot Be Shaken
Osama Bin Laden was sitting in his cave wondering which country to invade
next, when his telephone rang.......
"Hallo, Mr. Laden" a heavily accented voice said. "This is
Archie, down 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada ey?
I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, ey!"
"Well Archie," Osama replied, "This is indeed important news! How
big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is
myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
Osama paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Laden, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?", Osama asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm
tractor." Osama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000
tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "Mr. Laden, the war is still
on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's
ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the
Legion have joined us as well!"
Osama was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you
Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since
we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie, "I'll have ta call youse
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "Mr. Laden! I am sorry to
have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Osama. "Why the sudden change of
"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a
long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can
feed two million prisoners."
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