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Beer Consumption
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you
are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over
and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened
to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and
see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns
on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH
you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
"disappear."
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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