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How To Get Through Life!


Here are some instructions to help us all get through life.



In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.....



1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the
only time I have to work on my hair)



2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside." (Evidently, the shoplifter special)



3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And
that would be how. . . ?)



4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)



5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): " Do not turn
upside down." (Oops, too late!)



6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating." (As night follows the day . . . .)



7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)



8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the
rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)



9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And you're
taking this because . . . .)



10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only." (As opposed to what?)



11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)



12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (NEWS FLASH)



13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)



14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)



15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good
grief)



16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honeyjust grab the Palmolive!)



18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before
distributing in washing machine." (Hey kids, no more swimming in the
washing machine).



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