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Classified Ads In Newspapers
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
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FREE PUPPIES:
½ COCKER SPANIEL - ½ SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
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FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG
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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lb.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT.
BEEN OUT AWHILE.
BETTER BE REWARD.
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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
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AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE.
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
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TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,
COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG,
5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED.
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000
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STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15
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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
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FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
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FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
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FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
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NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
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SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
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GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 ½ BOTTLES OF BEER.
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HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
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GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
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AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100
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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING
AND
FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
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OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300.
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LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
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GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
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OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
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GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
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*****THE BEST ONE*****
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
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