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Classified Ads In Newspapers


The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

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FREE PUPPIES:

COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

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FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG

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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lb.

NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.

LOOKS LIKE A RAT.

BEEN OUT AWHILE.

BETTER BE REWARD.

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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

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AMANA WASHER $100.

OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE.

ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:

1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

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TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,

COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG,

5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED.

ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000

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STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15

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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

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FULL SIZED MATTRESS.

20 YR. WARRANTY.

LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

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FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS

WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

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FOR SALE:

LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

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NORDIC TRACK $300

HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING

"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

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SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

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GET A LITTLE JOHN:

THE TRAVELING URINAL

HOLDS 2 BOTTLES OF BEER.

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HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

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GEORGIA PEACHES

CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

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NICE PARACHUTE:

NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

SLIGHTLY STAINED

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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

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AMERICAN FLAG

60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100

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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING

AND

FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:

QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.

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OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB

AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300.

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LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES

FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

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GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

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OPEN HOUSE

BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON

FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

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GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

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*****THE BEST ONE*****

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer.

No longer needed.

Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.




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